Module 3 · Part 3 of 5
Below are some of the ways grief can show itself:
(After J. William Worden, 1982)
Important points about grief: grief arising from loss is normal and natural. It's a unique experience, because people are individuals — coping with grief is also a unique experience.
Suffering can be physical or psychological. Many older people suffer in either or both dimensions — as the body ages, people experience more physical pain, which can lead to psychological suffering. For example, Madeleine is 85 and suffers from arthritis. She's in constant pain, frustrated she can no longer garden the way she used to, until one day she breaks down: "I'm so sick of this pain and uselessness!" Her physical pain has become psychological and emotional — and if she then asks why God has let her get into this situation, her suffering becomes spiritual too.
Many people regard suffering as ultimately positive. While this is often true in hindsight, it's very difficult — and inadvisable — to say to a friend suffering physically and psychologically, "In the long run, you'll really benefit from this." Many of us can say, retrospectively, that we benefited from suffering, but that isn't the answer to give to a friend sitting opposite us in excruciating pain.
What can we do? One approach is to say, "I'm so sorry you're in such pain. Can I do anything to help?" The person might say "Nothing," or "Could you ask a nurse to come to me, please?" They may accept an offer to pray with them. Ultimately, your presence with them during their suffering — even in silence — can be of great benefit. They can appreciate your offer to help even if you can't fix things, and appreciate your being with them during their suffering. Remember, you don't always have to speak — in some cases it's better not to, because the person may be too exhausted to think of conversation, yet would still like your silent company.
If we place our trust in God, He will guide us through times of suffering. He's never indicated life would be without its problems — we all have them to a greater or lesser degree. God's love isn't that He allows suffering, but that He can help us immediately, and that He's provided the ultimate solution: the hope of eternal life. This is deeply positive.
Sometimes we ask, or are asked, "Why me?" The only real answer is, "We do not know." If suffering happens to us today, it isn't because of something wrong we did yesterday. In simple Biblical terms, we suffer because we're part of a creation of humanity that was disobedient to God; sin entered, and suffering has continued since. (See our article "Why?" for more.)
God exists, and has provided a framework within which we can cope with suffering. He will help us — He's demonstrated His willingness to help those who trust Him. This doesn't necessarily mean He'll relieve us from suffering altogether, but He will help our ability to cope with it. We must develop a relationship with Him that enables absolute faith and confidence that He will be with us.
But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honour, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone.
— Hebrews 2:9–10
Jesus' suffering and death has resulted in humankind's ability to overcome suffering, and to look forward to a life without it in God's Kingdom.
Continue to the next part of Module 3.